Smile.

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You’ve never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
9) The least pretty woman on a night out gets off with the georgeous guy and you lose respect for him.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong !
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard
32) You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

I got this from another website and it made me smile.

ONLY WOMEN BLEED

Call me selfish, call me mean
Tell me I’m a fool not to care
But I can tell you straight
Only women bleed, only women bleed.

No matter who’s to blame
It always seems to come around
Haunts this room, I have for my cell.

Call me …

This place is a nightmare
For those so unprepared
Safe love is not enough
To keep the realisation down.

Call me …

All in all, when it strikes
Where do we look, where do we go
Always to warmth we call our home.

Pump, pump, feel it burn
Lessons never to learn
Walking the tightrope
Tension slips away – away.

Call me …

Where do all the tears go
Into the furnace evaporate
Pressure the bearer of tidings
Telling you to slow it down.

Call me …

If apples are godsends
Who took the ribs
Why does the answer
Never appear.

You cant call me selfish, call me mean
Tell me I’m a fool not to care
‘Cause I can tell you straight
Only women bleed (x2).

GRUM